From Life to Humans (WARNING! Contains mild swearing.)

Dear Humans,

You are all supposedly the most intelligent of the variety of creatures on this once, very wonderful, but now not quite so, planet. Then I wonder why you crib about me all the time. It’s not like your problems are because of me.

Okay okay, some of them might be, but not all alright. So stop being a pain in my arse. Seriously!

I mean, you have pollution, so I suck; you can’t get a job, so I suck; your parents don’t give you enough money, so I suck. How fair is that?

I gave you great set of people to meet and a somewhat sensible mind. I gave you all a brain too (not that you use it much.) Hell, I let you be born in a time when nature is not quite destroyed, yet. Isn’t that a good thing? But no. You can’t notice the good stuff I do. Instead of falling in love with the colour and smell of the roses, you have to look at the thorn. Typical of a human I’d say. Who asked you to be an idiot and pluck that rose eh?

So what if I mess up sometimes. You aren’t perfect. You can’t expect me to be. I do a darn good job, just by giving you time on Earth and all I get as thank you is a list of the times I fucked up. That is really offensive. Have you seen the mess you have made around you? There’s a friggin hole in the ozone and it’s your fault entirely. Can you hear me going on a rant about that?

You want to know of something even more annoying. It’s when the time of one of your friend or family on Earth is up and you humans complain that life is unfair to take them out of the equation. Bloody hell! You ungrateful pigs! What the hell did I have to do with that? It’s Death’s work. I only decide who comes in, not who goes out. Get your facts straight!(What equation are you talking about here anyways?)

Until now you were getting the happy and playful me. Yes, Life has been all fun and games up till now. You might not like it if you cross me much longer. So this stops now! You shall never complain about me, or I shall get Death to exterminate you. (That’s right, I’m one of his best mate’s. None of your “life and Death are the same” or “they are mortal enemies” nonsense is true. How do you come up with those ridiculous stories?)

Yours

Life.

Disclaimer: Please note the above letter has been written in comic sense and is straight from the mind of-, well, me. Nothing mentioned above is an indication of my religious belief nor is it something to be taken seriously. If you still take it so, um, then you might be a bit stupid.