In the words of a Facebook post I once saw, ‘It is not who you think you are that holds you back, but who you think you’re not.’ This is perhaps the truth of my life this past year and a half.
2016 may not have been a very good year in terms of my growth and progress in life, but last November and December had brought with it an important epiphany. While I had never stopped scribbling tales in short paragraphs, I stopped putting them up on the internet. A voice in my head insisted that I would never be as good as the legends like J.K. Rowling, Patrick Rothfuss, etc, so what was the point. Why show the world how bad you are? Isn’t it better to keep it to yourself?
However, going back to all my previous words, the ones that I had deemed unsophisticated, they don’t seem so terrible anymore. Today, they are merely words of an amateur. They are not my best work and could definitely use a revamp, but they are also not as unsalvageable as I had once thought.
If you are reading this post, I’m sorry that it is so long. You can stop reading if you want. I’m not writing this to inspire anyone else but me. It is just a reminder to stop beating myself up. A reminder that my opinions are as fluid as my state of mind and just as fickle. It is a reminder to not let that voice in my head stop the words flowing ever again. It is a reminder of my dream of getting published one day. It is a reminder of how far I have come from being the 17-year-old me who sent terrible yet heartfelt poetry to my friends and pestered them until they begrudgingly left me a compliment. It is also to tell myself even if I think I’m the worst writer on the planet, I can get better as long as I keep writing.